Lets Kill All the Lies

Brutal honesty is no balm, 

And little did I know

That the gospel would shatter my calm.

Collecting the scarred fragments of the heart,

I will seal it, but it weighs the mind down.

Lessons have always been tough,

And I'm a reluctant learner.

But now I know,

The light at the end of the rainbow had faded a long time ago.

The dream had died, and the warmth had burnt itself out.

But I refused to buy any doubt.

I always liked to play make-believe, 

And now I wish I could tell the child

Its better not to grow up, the world is teeming with thieves.

A cruel glance, a flick of the chin.

That will be enough to let you know.

That it was ever so easy,

To make me let go.

A gulp, and the tears are swallowed,

And nobody's the wiser because none saw and no one heard.

Are you against Corruption? Really?

When my fellow Indians are united in their show of support to Mr Anna Hazare, I am now wondering what cause are they exactly supporting. Is it merely being reduced to a show of status messages on Facebook or is it really a fight against corruption or now as it is being called- India's second struggle for independence. Really now, this is bordering on the corny.

Corruption as being understood now is narrowly construed as being involved in bribery but what about the corruption that we blatantly and willingly do when we refuse to exercise our right to vote. Just supporting Hazare's cause and believing that it is time to bring about a change is foolhardy. When words have to be translated to action, very few stand up to be counted.

I have become increasingly disillusioned by Anna Hazare's campaign of India against corruption. Here is a man who was initially known for changing the face of Ralegaon Siddhi and also the recipient of the Padma Bhushan. But hunt for the stories behind this and you will find a dangerously authoritarian man who preaches Gandhi but doesn't blink an eye while endorsing public flogging. People in the village are not permitted to listen or view films, television programs, they aren't allowed to consume meat because it is unbrahminical to do so. People are only allowed to listen to religious music. People acquiesce to these decision due to fear. So is this the kind of democracy that Hazare is rooting for?

By not supporting Hazare's crusade against corruption doesn't make me a supporter of UPA, the opposition or any other political party. I do not subscribe to any political ideology but this disenchantment is harder to ignore by the day. The government's charges against Hazare exposing his 'corruption' is certainly laughable and just goes to show how the hapless government is now jumping on any opportunity to discredit Hazare and his creed. To call it a circus also doesn't do justice to the kind of rigmarole playing out on our television sets.

The very middle class who is miffed at the abstract notion of black money is in support of the movement which has fast yet again turned into an elitist middle class event. Where is this middle class when it comes to paying a wee little bit of money to speed up their work or to escape the clutches of the traffic policeman? What people are actually doing is registering their disdain for an utterly incompetent government. It is quite clear that Hazare's movement is a way to vent their frustration against our hapless government.

Corruption has reached such alarming proportions due to wicked policies that are always anti-people. Cleverly disguised under words such as development and liberalisation, all our resources of land and water have been siphoned off while our people have become refugees 10 times over. How many of us know that Medha Patkar is fasting against the eviction of people from the slums in Mumbai? Irom Sharmila has completed 11 years of fasting now. Aren't they all too fighting against apathetic instititutions? Are their fasts going to just be in vain? I wish there was a way to get rid of the government, pull them down. But what are the other options? The opposition seems to be grappling with its own internal problems. It's akin to being caught between the devil and the deep sea.

This is not a critique of Hazare or the Government (though the government deserves a more violent diatribe) nor am I self-styling myself to be a saint. If there is a chance self introspection take it. I end with a small incident. Recently, late at night I was headed back home. Just the fact that it is the night doesn't give one the right to speed through one-way stretches. If I wouldn't have braked and swerved in the nick of time, it would have been catastrophic. Isn't that too being corrupt too? How in the world does the other person get the authority to play with my life? Corruption as I see it is not just about exchange of bribes. Corruption transcends all these perceptions and in the end rests at moral corruption. And in the end who is to know whether the committee created by the Jan Lok Pal Bill will be devoid of corruption. Who is to say that this committee will be totally free of being dishonest. Who watches over them? What justifies resting so much power in the committee?

Power corrupts, doesn't it? In the meantime, the hunt for an all encompassing solution continues. But that is being too optimistic, isn't it

Wings on the Feet

Cities have a strange way of growing on you. All the exploring to do gives me a high- figuring out the ways, asking for directions and inevitably, also the getting lost in strange streets. Having spent 23 years of my life in my home city Pune, moving out to Bangalore was a dream come true. The freedom along with the responsibility was something that I managed very smoothly. There were no growing up pains and I quite enjoyed living alone. I would wait eagerly for the weekends wherein I would escape into a different part of the town every time. One day there was the old part of Malleshwaram to explore while another time it was the Russel Market in Shivajinagar. Armed with a camera and loads of water, I played the part of an enthralled tourist to perfection. Curiously, I did not miss my home town at all. Agreed, Pune has its own charm but it had got kind of tiresome roaming around the same places and meeting the same set of people.

Having spent 5 months in Bangalore, I then did another month-long stint in Delhi. Again the same kind of excitement and joyousness swept over me. Delhi was a place that I had always longed to go to- a peculiar longing mixed with romantic notions that were never to be. But keeping that aside, Delhi was all that I wanted it to be and much more. June is one of the most nasty months to be in Delhi. But I certainly couldn't care less. All the rivers of sweat notwithstanding, I still feel that I left a part of me over there. The jostling around on the streets, navigating the crowds while keeping in mind the many warnings about the unsafe nature of Delhi...all of them are now relegated to a special corner of my memory bank. Now keeping the memories safe for another day when I can go back to savour all those moments once again. Cities are because of its people and this is what I enjoy the most.

All this travelling around makes me feel very light. Now that I am back home, I can't wait to pack my bags and set off again on some new road once again. I wish I had wings on my feet. Places entice and I sigh.

Cities touch. Cities ignite.

Delhi Diaries

One day old in Delhi. I cannot believe it that I am finally here. Previous plans to Delhi  have always got cancelled. But this time, things fell into place and finally I am here!

I am here for a month long sojourn attending a course. The course was just a reason for me to visit Delhi and my primary aim is to jaunt around the city as much as possible. Besides, my friend too is doing the course with me, so loneliness is also kept at bay.

The Metro

Our first stop was the Akshardham Temple. Now I am no temple tourist and never willingly visit temples unless I feel a pull. But this was different. A new city needs explored and for me any place will do. Plus there was the added attraction of travelling in the metro which for some unknown made me feel cool, snooty and clever. I also felt like clapping my hands and jumping up each time metro reached a station.

From the Metro Station

Cars taking darshan

So Akshardham wasn't all that great. I just felt it to be a religious gimmick thriving on people's faith and money. We didn't get tickets for the exhibition, the boat ride and the robotic shows (Each ticket Rs. 200) but I didn't feel as if I missed much.  Instead we sat through the fountain show- (Each ticket priced at Rs. 30 and attended by scores of people). Other than being a dance of light, water and smoke this too isn't as spectacular as much as the hype that was created. Or am I missing something here? 

I just saw a lot of money being taken from people and just felt that religion is an extremely profitable business. So much for being the largest Hindu temple in the world. I still don't get the point. The best part about Akshardham was the number of languages that fell on our ears. Right from punjabi, gujrati, marathi, bengali, tamil and a number of others. People flock here just about from everywhere.

Moving on, we ended up making friends with a cycle-rickshawala. Got talking to him and came to know that they make an honest hard day's work. Cycling on bad roads, being bullied by the six-seater rickshaws and the worst I felt was the uphill cycling. I felt bad bargaining with them about the fare but that's how it is.

Crossing into U.P. on and off...being greeted by Mayawati 

Connaught Place was yet again a different story. It is daunting for a first timer to venture out there alone. The directions at the metro station (Rajiv Chowk) are very good and precise-only if you know where you have to go. We, having no fixed agenda just decided to amble along the inner ring road.  Most of the shops were just starting to open up (this at 11.30 in the morning!), found a ear-ring seller and bought a couple of pairs (people who know my fetish for ear-rings, it's obvious what I would do first!), found PVR Plaza where we am going for a film festival on Thursday and discovered a quaint little shop that serves awesome milkshakes in huge bottles all for 40 bucks.

The ubiquitous waterwallas dotted all over the city

 

CP  :)

Newspapers from La Francaise, Deutchland...all March editions.

No tobacco for under 18

English Dairy- Serves only North Indian cuisine

My meal

Palika Bazaar beckoned enticingly but my hosts had warned us against going there because of a crude crowd. It's not that we were fearful in going there but we reckoned that it's in our own interest that we stay away from unpleasant situations.

Coming back we found the same rickshawala and he dropped us back home. Today we are shifting from Vasundhara Enclave to our hostel at Sainik Farms. More to see, more to take in.

Cheers to exploring!

This is not a diatribe

I protest. Strongly. A low comedy played out today and it was too absurd even to evict any emotion resembling laughter. Our final presentations were scheduled today and a person no less than our very own HOD walked in to evaluate the students. After months of intense hard work I was looking forward to the presentations because I was looking for feedback on my work and it was an opportunity to share my experiences with my classmates.

My presentation was the first one that she evaluated. I was expecting a fair and critical analysis from the evaluators with concrete suggestions that we could incorporate in our work in the future. But what transpired was very different from my expectations.

It all started because I had essentially carried out research in the social sciences and the HOD has a chemistry background fortified by the rigors of laboratory work and being buried under piles of unnecessary paper work.

But that shouldn't make a difference, should it? Inspite of being from a pure science background, she could have been more open to the fact that research in social science is possible. She refused to believe that data in social science is generated by talking to people, by taking into account people's perceptions and relying on independent observations. Why else would it be called a 'social' science then? Her eyebrows were in danger of disappearing into her hair when I informed her that I generated primary data by interviewing people. Why else would it be called primary data?

She expressed extreme surprise, astonishment and dismissed my entire work because I spent only 21 days doing field work. How could I explain to her that I encountered conditions where I had to eat food infested with rat shit and cockroaches and that some nights I went without food as I was too disgusted to eat the crap anymore? But I am digressing here. Why does the number of days that I spend on field matter as long as I collect data that is reliable and proves my hypothesis right? It is immaterial whether I spend 10 days or 30 days. All the days of walking for 10 kms everyday for long hours in the sun boiled down to this. The quality of the time spent should matter and not the quantity.

She was also disbelieving of the fact that I conducted 50 interviews and that each interview consisted of nearly 200 closed and open ended questions. She expected me to list all the questions on the slides that I had prepared. Really now, come on!

According to her, I spending 21 days on field for my work is very less because a period of 6 months is granted to us. Just to make it clear- we are granted only 4 months out of which the major chunk is spent in conducting a literature review, working out and managing the logistics of the field visit, scheduling interviews, framing relevant questions to be included in the questionnaire and analysing data.

Another problematic area was the classification of my respondents. I had used the standard method of classification where respondents are grouped in categories based on the amount of land that they possess.

Large Farmers: >10 acres

Medium Farmers: 5-10 acres

Small Farmers: 0.01-5 acres

Herders

Landless

This is the protocol followed in my field of interest (watershed development). She said that this kind of classification is wrong because a farmer cannot be large, medium or small in the real sense. Really madam, your quibbling over semantics exposed your pettiness and your scientific approach. Pray,  where is the logic?

And it is not just about me. When another student gave her presentation, our HOD was disbelieving that Self Help Groups are formed by NGOs in areas where watershed development projects are carried out to bring the community together. Her ignorance can be forgiven but not her arrogance.

She was keen to drive home the point that conducting a thesis out of the University is an exercise in futility as students end up having a gala time outside their homes. Sorry, this did not hold true in majority of my classmates. We got an opportunity to step out of the hallowed precincts of our department and explore the world outside. Unfortunately she sees that as a waste of time and now has scrapped this system for our juniors who will be expected to conduct their projects under faculty (which is virtually non-existent and the few that are there are incompetent) who are all from the chemistry background. They will be expected to perfect their skills in titration, BOD and COD estimation, chromatography and the like. Now I don't have anything against laboratory work. I myself come from a pure science background and I just discovered my calling pulling me in another direction. But I believe that our HOD needs to wake and understand that research in pure science and social science is complementary to each other. Research is but not limited to sitting for long hours in the laboratory where one has to prepare chemicals and medium, autoclave and sterilize instruments, incubate microorganisms, etc. She dismissed the fields of anthropology, history and ethnography in a wave of her hand. She believes that what people say is not does not come under the realm of hard and verifiable facts. Of course she doesn't know that there are certain methods used in social science to verify what people say. Like I said, her ignorance can be forgiven.

To be fair, there was another evaluator who despite being an ecologist asked me fair and pertinent questions about my work. She was neither judgmental nor did she have any preconceived biases against the social sciences. She interrogated me in a way that could be called real defense. My close friend gave her presentation before mine in which the HOD was not present and even she had conducted her research in the domain of the social sciences. This evaluator was fair to her too and asked very pointed and relevant questions. 

This is not a personal vendetta against our HOD. It is just a ranting by a frustrated student who is caught is the grasp of people who come from a peculiar mindset that looks down upon the social sciences. It speaks volumes about the encouragement the department provides when people try to do something other than spending time in the closed and controlled conditions of the laboratory.

I will be giving a seminar shortly where I work and I believe that this will be where that I will be truly evaluated. The faculty here come from varied backgrounds but they are not dismissive about other fields. They listen and understand and encourage research from all fields. It is progressive while my department seems to be stepping into the middle ages with their initiatives of scrapping the policy of conducting projects outside Pune. She thinks that we have wasted our time having 'fun'. Stepping out of my department have opened up new avenues for me. I have learnt what it means to work in the field of academics and it was like a breath of fresh air after the unnecessary hurdles of slow and lumbering pace of work of our department.

And this wasn't true only for me. I being from a city decided to spend 4 months of my time someplace else all because of the opportunities that open up when one is out of one's comfort zone. There are some people in my class who come from rural Maharashtra and they worked in institutes like ISRO and it has done wonders for their confidence.

However, our HOD is quite determined to believe otherwise.

All is not all right in this world and the injustice rankles. I wish that I could proudly state that I have done my Masters from this department. But even I am determined to believe otherwise.

And so I rest my case.