Surprises- Some Observations

Since the time I been in the U.S., my life has taken a completely new direction and turn. The first few months were like unwrapping a gift box everyday. Each day brought with it a new set of wonders and surprises. The first day that I landed in the U.S., I was taken out by my roommates for some Mexican food. They were very nice to me, but I only remember being enthralled with the fact that in spite it being past 8.30 in the night, it was still as bright as afternoon. I couldn't stop marveling at the sun setting so late for days. It did turn my sleeping cycle upside down for the first few nights. My body refused to co-operate when I would feed it dinner at 8.00. "No!", it protested. It was still too light outside to have dinner. Finally, after a couple of weeks, my body learned to adjust.

The next surprising thing that I encountered was when I got lost. On my 3rd day, I was to attend an orientation for new students. Given a bike, and some vague directions, I decided to make my way to the campus. I pride myself on being rather good with directions, and so cleverly I took a wrong turn only to land up around 8 miles away from my destination. Still smarting at my cleverness, I asked a passerby for directions. He was also kind enough to offer me a drive, but I refused (I have been taught never to accept ride from strangers, no matter what!).  So I huffed and puffed and made my uphill way to the campus. It was a hot September day and my muscles screamed in protest. But I figured that getting lost is one of the best ways to learn about a place.

And then of course came the 'how you doing/how are you?' part. I was well-prepared for it, but it really hit me the first time it was thrown out at me. This was the first cultural difference that I experienced. Weird was the thought in my head then. I still don't feel comfortable with it, but now I have made my peace with it.

I also learned a lot about independence here. I had to do everything alone. I took my first flight all alone. I started to go buy my groceries all alone. I ventured to the scary downtown area all alone. From being used to do things in groups back home, this alone thing was daunting. But I persisted.

Also this alone thing was translated in the courses that I took. Only difference is that they call it individualism. The courses at first were very frightening. I felt awkward and out of place. I didn't know when to make a suitable comment and when to inject my opinion (and I still don't!, but I'm learning). I couldn't muster my thoughts to put it into words. Now it is slowly becoming routine in all the classes. A word here, a sentence there. It made me think how different it was back in school and college in India- It was instilled in us that talking is bad, and me being the ever-obedient student, I was eager to comply with those stupid rules (Yeah I was goody-two shoes back then!). And now here, if you refrain from talking, points are docked off from your grade. Well!

But the most curious thing that surprises me is that I don't miss home at all. I occasionally miss my friends and family, but nothing about the past makes me yearn for it again. Probably, it is the excitement of a new place. It does make me feel very hollow at times, as if I have lost the capacity to feel. I realized that I neither miss the old times nor the old moments . I just miss the familiar faces and the sound of their comforting laughter.

Weary

You are but what I am,

Comprenez-vous?

Making wishes since very long,

Saw them all disappear behind moist eyes.

Like the feeling you get in a train,

Watching the landscape fly past,

And you yearn for that one glimpse, 

That one elusive nameless something.

Drowning is imminent,

No drinks, no pot, 

Just a lot of mundane routines,

I still hear your sounds, 

But you never gave me that one look.

You never gave me that one smile,

It's reserved for someone special, I'd say.

And I craved like a fool looking for the riches.

Persistent-pessimist, someone calls me,

The sun is tired, and so am I.

Lets Kill All the Lies

Brutal honesty is no balm, 

And little did I know

That the gospel would shatter my calm.

Collecting the scarred fragments of the heart,

I will seal it, but it weighs the mind down.

Lessons have always been tough,

And I'm a reluctant learner.

But now I know,

The light at the end of the rainbow had faded a long time ago.

The dream had died, and the warmth had burnt itself out.

But I refused to buy any doubt.

I always liked to play make-believe, 

And now I wish I could tell the child

Its better not to grow up, the world is teeming with thieves.

A cruel glance, a flick of the chin.

That will be enough to let you know.

That it was ever so easy,

To make me let go.

A gulp, and the tears are swallowed,

And nobody's the wiser because none saw and no one heard.

Are you against Corruption? Really?

When my fellow Indians are united in their show of support to Mr Anna Hazare, I am now wondering what cause are they exactly supporting. Is it merely being reduced to a show of status messages on Facebook or is it really a fight against corruption or now as it is being called- India's second struggle for independence. Really now, this is bordering on the corny.

Corruption as being understood now is narrowly construed as being involved in bribery but what about the corruption that we blatantly and willingly do when we refuse to exercise our right to vote. Just supporting Hazare's cause and believing that it is time to bring about a change is foolhardy. When words have to be translated to action, very few stand up to be counted.

I have become increasingly disillusioned by Anna Hazare's campaign of India against corruption. Here is a man who was initially known for changing the face of Ralegaon Siddhi and also the recipient of the Padma Bhushan. But hunt for the stories behind this and you will find a dangerously authoritarian man who preaches Gandhi but doesn't blink an eye while endorsing public flogging. People in the village are not permitted to listen or view films, television programs, they aren't allowed to consume meat because it is unbrahminical to do so. People are only allowed to listen to religious music. People acquiesce to these decision due to fear. So is this the kind of democracy that Hazare is rooting for?

By not supporting Hazare's crusade against corruption doesn't make me a supporter of UPA, the opposition or any other political party. I do not subscribe to any political ideology but this disenchantment is harder to ignore by the day. The government's charges against Hazare exposing his 'corruption' is certainly laughable and just goes to show how the hapless government is now jumping on any opportunity to discredit Hazare and his creed. To call it a circus also doesn't do justice to the kind of rigmarole playing out on our television sets.

The very middle class who is miffed at the abstract notion of black money is in support of the movement which has fast yet again turned into an elitist middle class event. Where is this middle class when it comes to paying a wee little bit of money to speed up their work or to escape the clutches of the traffic policeman? What people are actually doing is registering their disdain for an utterly incompetent government. It is quite clear that Hazare's movement is a way to vent their frustration against our hapless government.

Corruption has reached such alarming proportions due to wicked policies that are always anti-people. Cleverly disguised under words such as development and liberalisation, all our resources of land and water have been siphoned off while our people have become refugees 10 times over. How many of us know that Medha Patkar is fasting against the eviction of people from the slums in Mumbai? Irom Sharmila has completed 11 years of fasting now. Aren't they all too fighting against apathetic instititutions? Are their fasts going to just be in vain? I wish there was a way to get rid of the government, pull them down. But what are the other options? The opposition seems to be grappling with its own internal problems. It's akin to being caught between the devil and the deep sea.

This is not a critique of Hazare or the Government (though the government deserves a more violent diatribe) nor am I self-styling myself to be a saint. If there is a chance self introspection take it. I end with a small incident. Recently, late at night I was headed back home. Just the fact that it is the night doesn't give one the right to speed through one-way stretches. If I wouldn't have braked and swerved in the nick of time, it would have been catastrophic. Isn't that too being corrupt too? How in the world does the other person get the authority to play with my life? Corruption as I see it is not just about exchange of bribes. Corruption transcends all these perceptions and in the end rests at moral corruption. And in the end who is to know whether the committee created by the Jan Lok Pal Bill will be devoid of corruption. Who is to say that this committee will be totally free of being dishonest. Who watches over them? What justifies resting so much power in the committee?

Power corrupts, doesn't it? In the meantime, the hunt for an all encompassing solution continues. But that is being too optimistic, isn't it

Wings on the Feet

Cities have a strange way of growing on you. All the exploring to do gives me a high- figuring out the ways, asking for directions and inevitably, also the getting lost in strange streets. Having spent 23 years of my life in my home city Pune, moving out to Bangalore was a dream come true. The freedom along with the responsibility was something that I managed very smoothly. There were no growing up pains and I quite enjoyed living alone. I would wait eagerly for the weekends wherein I would escape into a different part of the town every time. One day there was the old part of Malleshwaram to explore while another time it was the Russel Market in Shivajinagar. Armed with a camera and loads of water, I played the part of an enthralled tourist to perfection. Curiously, I did not miss my home town at all. Agreed, Pune has its own charm but it had got kind of tiresome roaming around the same places and meeting the same set of people.

Having spent 5 months in Bangalore, I then did another month-long stint in Delhi. Again the same kind of excitement and joyousness swept over me. Delhi was a place that I had always longed to go to- a peculiar longing mixed with romantic notions that were never to be. But keeping that aside, Delhi was all that I wanted it to be and much more. June is one of the most nasty months to be in Delhi. But I certainly couldn't care less. All the rivers of sweat notwithstanding, I still feel that I left a part of me over there. The jostling around on the streets, navigating the crowds while keeping in mind the many warnings about the unsafe nature of Delhi...all of them are now relegated to a special corner of my memory bank. Now keeping the memories safe for another day when I can go back to savour all those moments once again. Cities are because of its people and this is what I enjoy the most.

All this travelling around makes me feel very light. Now that I am back home, I can't wait to pack my bags and set off again on some new road once again. I wish I had wings on my feet. Places entice and I sigh.

Cities touch. Cities ignite.